MAY 2015
As you can tell, it’s been a very long time since I’ve used my blog! Graduating college, moving, working, and being pregnant distracted the heck out of me! I was so tired, and I can count on my fingers the amount of times I put makeup on in that year. It was so sad to see all my makeup sitting there, unused. But, for those who know me, I would choose SLEEP over makeup, and hair styling anyday. So, true to myself, that’s what I did :) ZzZzZzZzZzZz………
It has been a little over two and a half months since my little bundle of joy was born and since about two and a half weeks since he was born, I’ve wanted to write down all my thoughts on paper. I’ve probably forgotten some things that I wanted to say, but you know its better late than never. When you have a baby you're so busy and sometimes you choose other things in your free time cuz they're definitely is free time like sleep (of course I had to mention that first ), eating, you know hanging out with friends, talking to people, over sitting down at a desk writing so I'm actually not sitting down at a desk writing right now, I'm laying down on my bed, breastfeeding my little boy, and I thought to myself, well, I have this high tech phone, why don't I just speak into it and have it type for me?
Another deterrent for me is that I have psoriatic arthritis and my joints hurt, especially my fingers (for the moment, as my body goes through phases of where it is that I experience pain) ever since the last couple of months of pregnancy. I'm like, okay, so if I sit down and I type this all- all I’m going to do is exasperate the problem and I’ll have to pay for it later, because I still need to use my hands every single day to do mundane things… In all honestly though, that still doesn’t stop me from looking at makeup looks all day on instagram, or from texting people all day! I’ll suffer for B.E.A.U.T.Y. hahahaha
Pregnancy, I didn't know that you could get so many illnesses/health conditions while carrying. I had heard about pregnant women getting gestational diabetes, hypertension, and nausea but I didn't know you could get so many other things. Just to be clear, I was low risk during my entire pregnancy so it's not like I had any major issues. I did, however, have morning sickness ALL DAY and it lasted more than three or four months (about 6 months) so that was really hard because when you're working, and you don't have the ability to say okay, I feel weak… let me lay down or excuse me while I vomit. I’ve had hypoglycemia since a very young age, and as soon as I get pregnant, it was as if it had gone on steroids!
Not eating all the time = weakness = fainting/needing to lay down
Eating all the time= ability to get through your work day = gaining a lot of weight
I wish I would have been one of those pregnant mamas who exercised everyday…. oh well, maybe for the next bebesito! Let me just say one thing about heartburn, it’s a killer that can and will wake you up from your precious (scarce) sleep. Beware ladies..
I didn't know there was such a thing as pregnancy carpal tunnel. I had a lot of pain in my hands, my joints in my hands would cause excruciating pain and it would wake me up at night and since I already wasn't sleeping well, it was very hard to wake up at six in the morning to go to work. In terms of interpreting, your mind has to be completely sharp, in order for you to interpret simultaneously, so I ended up drinking waaaaay too much coffee ( by that I mean 3 cups a week ). When your limit is zero, 3 is just way too much...way too much silently shaking my head at myself.
All that being said, pregnancy took almost completely my migraines away that I have been having since I was 4 years old. My hair stopped falling out, my psoriasis, and psoriatic arthritis completely disappeared. Most importantly, my demeanor changed; I wasn’t this strong-willed, hot-head, with little patience anymore. My honesty, and loyalty is what people have admired in me, but the flip-side to that is that sometimes I’m too honest, and my standards for the same amount of loyalty back can make me come off as hard to deal with, unpleasant, uptight, and someone to tread carefully with.
Pregnancy filled me with love, mercy, grace, vulnerability (all qualities I am striving to have). I stopped fighting my husband tooth and nail because I wanted him to do what I wanted, when I wanted. Instead, I was filled with gratitude, because I was weak now, and I gave him the chance to carry me, to be the man I had not allowed him to be. I would cry at the fact that I was unable to go out because all I wanted to do was rest, and at the fact that he would stay home with me, but he didn’t mind. He never complained, although he had worked a full work week and deserved to go out and enjoy life. Never once did he say he couldn’t handle my mood-swings, or my constant state of frailty, or my crying over the bright red stretch marks that now covered my body. He cared for me, and supported my desire to have a natural pregnancy, and birth. He attended childbirth classes 40 minutes away even though in our culture, men are traditionally not involved in those things. He never left my side during labor, and continued to care for me after I had given birth to our son. I am so grateful to our Lord for allowing me to experience a side of my husband that was foreign to me. I will never forget it.
